What's a collective noun for a gathering of techies?

Depends on where you are, really.

Here is Gertrude's very selective and incomplete compilation of names - some delectable and some, more ceremonial - of developer meetings and conferences in technology companies and communities:

I/O in Google, or Atmosphere if you are invited to their CIO and IT chiefs' meet.

Chirp in Twitter

PDC Professional Developers Conference in Microsoft  or MIX  for web developers

F8 in Facebook

WWDC World Wide Developers Conference  - Apple rather formally

MAX in Adobe of Internet application developers

Disrupt in TechCrunch, occasionally.

DevStation - (not devastation as google might helpfully suggest) in Sony for PS3 developers

SATURN of architects in the SEI Architecture Technology User Network

ClueCon for Telephony and VoIP related techies

SugarCon in the context of SugarCRM's open source CRM software.

QCon when in a democratic community of developers

DevWeek  likely, of strong IT professionals

PASS Summit for Database-y people

StarEast for Software Tester People

GDC Game Developers Conference for video game developers
GreenNet for a merger of technology and climate change related thinkers

DeveloperDeveloperDeveloper  perhaps to reinforce a point!

IT and Nature: Penguin, Deer and Metal

To an ordinary person, a penguin is a well-insulated flightless aquatic creature roaming in the wild, perhaps in the poles, stomping around like podgy lawyers in their suits. Hardly a symbol of great leaps in technology. Gertrude saw very clearly in the intervals of chomping through some peanuts, that computers had newness bubbling around them. Computers had odd connections to a penguin, a deer and some form of metal. Not to forget, even sometimes the stuff she was eating. Kernels.

Ages ago, Gertrude had taken lessons in computers on the first floor of a three storey builing about six minutes away from home. She had theory lessons and she had lab lessons. In the lab, she used something called DOS. She had to learn by rote some phrases like copy con, mkdir and rename in order to pass her exams and to get the large humpback white and black machine to cooperate with her. She was told that this was the operating system of the computer with who she was corresponding.

To Gertrude, the operating system was like a shop assistant who never went to sleep and ceaselessly handled requests from the customer and from the proprietor of the shop.

Anybody could ask this shop assistant to bring out all the stock from the Personal Accessories section, or a very specific bag from the top shelf on the left most side and he would oblige. The operating system was like that: fetched files and data from anywhere in the computer and knew where to find them. You could shut the shop, but if you knocked on it by clicking a button, the efficient shop assistant would wake up and switch on all the lights, just like the computer booted up.

The Kernel is the part of the computer that manages how people make requests of the shop assistant, and how much the shop assistant remembers and how much he runs around servicing people's demands.

There are operating systems for a computer, for a network and for phones and for routers! There are commercial ones like Windows from Microsoft which everyone's neighbour should own by now. There are also open-source operating systems like Unix. This means that Gertrude doesn't have to pay for the operating system. And if she wanted, she could also write programs herself to make the little shop assistant inside the computer do things that he didn't already do.

That said, for decades now, people have commitedly tried to come up with smarter operating systems (OS) and have been even more committed in naming them. The greatest sorrow for the poet in Gertrude is to have known of an open source OS carelessly named Haiku. The OS called RTOS was created by a company called RoweBots. There is Acorn, an OS symbolic of an eatable. AmigaOS like a friendly Spanish word. Apple again, for fruit eaters with exorbitant variants like Newton, Lisa and Macintosh. The prize for the most proper techie names would surely go to IBM for featuring godimportant and unpronounceable names like OS/2 MVS/XA TOS/360, DPPX, ACP, UTS.

Gertrude could not bring herself to get interested much in operating systems for little hand held things. Sure, there is the Android, iPhone OS, Blackberry (again, fruits) Palm OS and Newton OS. But there is Linux as well. Linux is a remarkable open source operating system created by a certain Linus Torvalds. Apparently Linus had a heated debate about whether Linux was a microkernal or a monolithic kernel. Whatever that means! Linus contracted penguinitis around the time there was a Linux logo design competition. A chap called Larry Ewing designed this now famous little mascot and the bird was named Tux. It was either short for tuxedo or Torvalds UniX. Gertrude gasped when she realised that Facebook runs on Linux (as per the LAMP stack of - Linux, Apache, MySQL and PHP)!

Gertude confesses that she is even less inclined to think about router operating systems. She is already struggling to understand Network Operating Systems and would be grateful for any help. Although she has read about Ghost, all she has picked up is that if you have a (dumb?) computer (these days called a netbook), an invisible operating system over on the internet can manage your files and programs. This operating system and all the paraphernalia would be sitting on a cloud. But of course! Several, several people could reach out for this through their web browser. Is a browser operating system different from a network operating system? Novell had the OS called Netware. Perhaps that was used for computers in a private network?

Interestingly, the concept of the deer and the metal are also browser operating systems. The Gazelle is from Microsoft and Chrome OS is from Google. The Chrome OS runs on top of a Linux Kernel. And Gazelle has its own little elf. The world would wonder about corporate battles, the open sourceness, the security, who develops new features, support to various devices like printers, support to competing browsers and assorted programs. Gertrude shares in these questions and adds one of her own. Would they have a mascot?

IT and meaning: Who do you think you are?

The idea of the semantic web in Gertrude's head was now remarkably in the shape of Reginald Jeeves - well informed, perceptive, sensitive to needs, quick, personal, relevant and perhaps even manipulative.

Part of what was now happening all around, she thought as she sat pondering on her sprained ankle, was that everything needed to have a meaning and be relevant to anybody who used the internet.

How does a group of alphabets be understood meaningfully by an illiterate computer? Apparently by structuring. So they (you know, them, some one, that's who) create lists and lists of endless things in computers that might look something like this.

Composers: Muthuswami Dikshitar, Sebastian Bach, Tan Dun, Ali Farka Toure

Types of Music: Classical, Folk, Film, Western, African,

Century: 18, 19, 20, 21

These lists have to be kept in a structure that some people have agreed on and follow some rules and grammar that those people have agreed. Some of these rules are called RDF and OWL. RDF is Resource Description Format and Web Ontology Language has been mysteriously abbreviated to OWL, leaving no suspicion that we might be talking about a nocturnal hunting bird.

Gertrude doesn't know where to look for a list. She read about DBpedia having vacuumed information from Wikipedia and done clever things to them. They probably stacked up and organised and split up and sliced and reorganised and classified and chopped and referenced and cross linked all the facts from Wikipedia in some databases.

Gertrude plans to use a language called SPARQL. To start with, this language is - sparkle - grossly misspelt. It is also one of those extra-ordinary acronyms that self reference and contain another one within it, just to make her feel like a complete idiot. Would anyone have guessed that it is an acronym of Sparql Protocol and RDF Query Language? How much reading for an ordinary mortal to comprehend a mere six letter word. They'd better not use this one in the Sunday newspaper word jumble.

The plan is to use SPARQL to ask questions of this massive data store in DBpedia. Gertrude is considering learning this language when she is a bit old. Would it have evolved better or got extinct by then?

So she could know which musicians in Asia composed or performed South Indian classical music after the eighteenth century. She might know the kinds of architecture during the time of King Bruce of Scotland. However, if she learnt it a bit early, she could have her own wolfram alpha like site. May be she could get her friends Draak and Spencer to help, she muses. They are a sharp lot, she nods to herself.

As a mild distraction, Gertrude's quick fingers spell out her name on a website that declares that from her name alone, it could find her digital footprint and suggest subjects of interest to her, people who are her peers, and a provide her a personalised newsfeed. Intriguing. The results seem compelling. Very true. Like a surveillance camera on the internet, all her deeds and thoughts are concentrated into an image of word pockets. She goes back and repeats with names of various web personalities. She spells out various names, names of software rockstars, political personalities. Then she tries out less eminent personalities like her school geography teacher. Not so clever now, eh!

Work Assistant: The camera crew

Gertrude is undecided about which tool to use. She needs to design a modified version of the existing screens in the application they are about to build. She also needs to record an error on the screen that happened after a few taps and clicks.

There is a plethora of tools to pick from. Each name rolls off the tongue quite differently.

Happily enough Gertrude's first option, Fireshot a Firefox add-on, works on Internet Explorer as well! For free. Fireshot takes still pictures. It has a very easy to use set of options for image-screen-window copy-paste-edit-email-upload. The blur and the glow features for edit are significantly likeable.

The Fireshot Pro version has additional printing and usability benefits.

The only tiny flaw: although it says it can capture screenshots with Flash movies, it ends up restarting the movie in progress and therefore this image captured is never satisfactory to Gertrude. It could well be a case of PEBCAK (problem exists between chair and keyboard), but she won't admit it.

Aviary has a handful of tools for image editing. They are named after splendid birds like the Toucan and Phoenix. Talon seems to be the firefox extension for the screen shot part. At first glance it seems to insist on getting a user account, but it turned out to be a suggestion, not a constraint.

When she chooses to edit, it opens Aviary's own set of in-browser tools. They take a few seconds to open up, but they are honestly very very grand. Much joy in annotating, pinching, resizing and viewing the image and the modifications as 'layers'. Gertrude has to remind herself that all of this was happening in the browser!

SnagIt is a paid-for tool from Techsmith with a 30 day evaluation license. Images can be tagged as a bug, important, personal and so on. The tags acquire meaning only when viewed within SnagIt's editor. All the annotation and highlight features are crisp and bold. The interface seems very straightforward. And it happily works on any kind of application - browser or non-browser! Remarkably,when she hits the Print Screen key with the right-click menu displayed, she can easily take snapshots of the menu options!

It can even record videos. Sadly, the experimental one turns out a bit grainy.

Another tool, Screengrab does exactly like the name says - helps copy and save portions of the screen. It is a firefox extension. Even without an email or edit feature, Gertrude finds it pretty functional and immediately useful.

On a small detour: Picnik is not strictly a work assistant, but it delights Gertrude immensely with what it can do to photographs! It is very mentionable! The interface is marvellous and Gertrude marvelled. Even when it is starts up, instead of the stiff status bar filling "Loading ...23%" type messages she sees adorable text like "Painting Sky", "Growing grass" .... ooh!

Techsmith has another treasure. Jing, Gertrude spells out the name in disbelief. It is a desktop application that perches on the top of her screen like a twenty-watt-bulb. It can capture images. The screencast it creates can be described as superlative. It tempts her to say that old-fashioned text-heavy defect reports should be banished where possible and replaced with these easy swf replays from Jing. And the best thing is that it is all free! Wonder what the Pro-version can do!

At least one decision is made. Gertrude urgently needs to get over the habit of Alt+Print Screen > (Start > Run > MsPaint) > Ctrl+V.

A New Verb?

Gertrude imagines that Bing stands for bing is not google; another one of those clever recursive acronyms in the IT world where one thing is trying not to be another thing. Gertrude was excited about Cuil when it came out - supposed to be the biggest search engine a while ago. Does anybody use it, she wonders. Stephen Wolfram's got everyone talking about the new mathematical computational engine and some worrying about how much to trust the data. Anyone know Worio, a discovery engine? And there's even dogpile. Nothing derogatory. It is a collection all the most famous search engines put together.

There's all sorts of search utilities - Gertrude herself knows of the existence of image matching tools and media search tools. She is in silent awe of those awkward algorithms, locked inside a tiny chip somewhere chugging away like elves and trying to find your baby picture from a massive cupboard and even match the tune playing in your head. Personally, Gertrude wishes there were more fun tools like wordsmith and word waldo.

Back to the new thing. Bing. If this decision engine of Microsoft turns out as earth-shattering, Gertrude will mentally prepare herself to use sentences like: I've spent hours googling binging Or something like I have forgotton the lyrics of the song Top of the World, so I am going to have to google bing it for you.